Chaos.

It's another rainy night with nothing to do. I feel strange, like everything is ok. That's rare for me, especially lately. My mind is seeing things in chaos. Everything to be exact. If no one truly understands the purpose of life then no one understands anything. The big bang. Creation. God. whatever you believe in, you do not truly understand it, the depth of it is just unimaginable. I truly need more ignorance in my life. I'm always asking questions. My mind is always thirsty. I don't believe, even if I know what it was all about that I would truly be satisfied. The little things are important. The seemingly meaningless things play a great importance in every ones lives but no one cares or acknowledges them. Life is magic, SERIOUSLY. Appretiate it. Love it. Good night <3

I haven't posted here in awhile. I haven't really had any reason to I guess. I have finally come out of my winter slump and back on the right road (I hope). Everything seems to be coming on nicely but also has an odd sense of urgency I cant really pin-point. even though its spring I still get all gloomy just thinking about next winter. I really don't want to go through another one like this one. Then again there's always hope for new things, new everything. I suppose I should get so sleep before I totally go insane. nighty night! or morning or afternoon or whatever <3.

Thursday was a most hectic day. was up all night for jury duty and then going to the coast. I had a very good time. one thing was missing... and well I guess I wouldn't need anything else if It was with me. wanted to write more but my mind grows weary. I guess this is what I get for staying up all night.

Confusion. <3?

Photo by yours truly.

I think about it a lot. It comes up everytime i have time to think. It's rather strange to me. I'm always trying to make sense of it. I know whats happening but I'm still really unsure about everything yet...im completely sure. what the hell. Everything can be right where it belongs then totally out of line the next morning. gah! <3

This last week I really had no clue what had come over me. I still don't but I'm better now. Outside looking up at the stars, just imagining each one is a huge ball of fire burning at millions of degrees Makes you realize everything around you is amazing. Other things happened in my mind but I don't think I'll talk about those thoughts...At least now.


Taken By http://www.landolfiphoto.com/Site_2/ASTROPHOTOGRAPHY.html


I did not take this but its amazing. Seems like the edge of the world.

end of the line?

seems like iv realized that self image is really pointless. being "Cool" is pointless. so whats left? arg. my mind has backed itself into a corner or something. I don't really know what to think anymore. It's always in the back of my head now that none of this is really going to matter in the end. I demand meaning. I think im going to run into the woods and fend for myself. at least there would be a challenge and maybe i would realize what I really hold for value in life.

perfectionist? Pffff

making things perfect is extremely hard. I just spent like 30 minutes recording a guitar part to get every part of it perfect. I want everything to be ABSOLUTELY PERFECT!! FRUSTRATION!!!11 my eyelids are trying to hard to shut my eyes BUT I REFUSE TO GIVE IN!!! ok well maybe im going to give in. night!<3

Things around here seem to be falling apart daily then being put back together. I just have to laugh about it now. Why couldn't it have happened when i was younger and couldn't see the complete childish way they act, when i couldn't see the bullshit? I am going to sleep now. nightynight. <3

sleep sucks.

It really does. Too much running through my head lately. Seems like Iv been stuck in a rut with my mind. Been in a bad mood lately. Everything irritates me one way or another. Either everyone around me is being selfish, horrible people or I'm just trying to see the worst in them. Lately I haven't really seen a lot in people iv particularly liked. Maybe I'm just straying away from it all. Maybe its just my mind being tired and worn down from thinking all day lol. going to try and sleep again. Been having baddd broken sleep lately and elaborate fucked up dreams. My dreams haven't really had any significance on my life lately or my thoughts. Just random fucked up adventures. paaaasssinnnggggout <3

A place I was today. Seemed like another planet. I liked it. Felt epic. I'm tired. I want to do stuffff but my mind wont let me. telling me to get the fuck in that bed and sleep. so many things i cant control with my body. it kinda bothers me. Oh well. OH WELL. . . .. . ... I always feel weird and panic-y when im this tired. I hate it. always feels like something is really wrong but nothing really is. arg. im going to try and sleep. I KNOW il feel better when I wake up. laterrrr. <3

Dream

I had some weird dream where I was in college or something but I couldn't find my dorm. This went on for 20 minutes then some other stuff happened and I woke up feeling weird and fucked up. Dreams suck sometimes when they're good and you wake and realize your back in the shit.

Direction.

Funny how people perceive their problems and life. Funny how you perceive it. Everything is different to everyone. No one will ever see the things you do. Cherish them, enjoy them. Don't worry.
But in the end would it be worth it? Would it be worth all the worrying and hassle? Probably not. But that's the part of the fun. Worrying is just a bad word for the unknown. You can perceive the unknown as a burden or a great opportunity. To do what though? Anything you make it. The future is now. The future is right now.


Welcome to my mind <3. Hope you enjoy your short stay.

Don't tell me.

Don't tell me. I don't want to know. I want empty parts. I want to think everything is okay. Leave the details, who needs them anyway? You have everything in the world to look forward to. Don't let it go to waste.

Hello, goodbye.

time to pass out now. goodnight <3